PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
