would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
