i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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