Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
