I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
