Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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