I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
