This beer is not sobering me up at all
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
