it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
