I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
