Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
