Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
