is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
