I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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