whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
