One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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