kristin has been a bad kristin
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
