We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
