Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
