I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
