That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
