Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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