I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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