i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
