I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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