I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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