K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
