I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
