in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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