I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
