We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
