Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
