i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
