is your mom at the bar?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
