oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
