Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
