Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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