I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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