Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
