I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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