I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
