guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
