He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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