Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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