evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
