Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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