When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
