my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
