he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
