the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
