Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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