My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
