Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
